First, I lost Grandma Rigby. Let me just say that Grandma has been a major stabling force in my life for my whole life. I love her, I miss her, and I will always be grateful for her. We were in full summer mode, we had been tripping all over, working hard, and had just enjoyed the 4th of July weekend. Grandma had fallen ill, she was 93 and we knew that her health was failing. We also knew it was time for her to join Grandpa in the heavens. Kelsie, Todd and I were on a trip to Calgary, we went to see her mission for the the first time since she came home. Clark and Zack were in Washington DC for their choir trip. I got a call from my sister Kathy on July 5th, we were just driving through Montana on our way for a fun filled week. My heart sank, for the loss of my Grandma, but mostly for the sadness I knew my mom must be filled with. Mom and Grandma were best friends, Grandma was my mom's personal saving grace on this earth. Mom had to be heart broken and sad, she just lost part of her heart.
We knew that Grandma's life was coming to a close, but hoped it would be a little longer. But it was time to make plans and decide if we could all get home to go to the services. I called the boys and we decided that we all needed to get home for Grandma's funeral. We had such a fun trip to Calgary, we saw so many people that Kelsie loves, we went to the stampede, and then we headed home. It was long travel day, we took a wrong turn in Montana and our 9-10 hour drive ended up being almost 14! The boys flew in a few days early from tour. We picked them up at the airport just after midnight and headed to the SLC airport Marriott, thank goodness for Kelsie's employee discount! We went early to Grandma's service and to the viewing. It was the most beautiful tribute to life I've ever been to. There was a feeling of peace, I could feel strongly that Grandma and Grandpa were reunited, happy and healthy and strong.
During the viewing my sister Angie said, "Mindy, I think we need to get a family picture." I know she was inspired to say that. The Spirit in her must have stirred and told her, "Get a picture." At the cemetery, we got a picture. It was the first time in a very long time that that many of us were all together. The only people missing were Evonne and her kids, Dave's Megan, and our missionary Chez. Even my Dad was there. I am so grateful Angie followed her prompting and made sure that picture was taken.
The next few weeks passed and we were getting ready for school to start. The morning of August 14th will be one I remember for the rest of my life. It was early in the morning, I was still in bed. I heard my phone ring, it was Veronica. Veronica is an early bird, so I just ignored it. I was tired I hadn't slept well all night. Thirty seconds later it rings again. My stomach felt sick, I knew something was wrong.
"Hello" I said.
"I need your help!"
"Oh no, what's wrong?"
"Adam died this morning."
"What, What, What happened?"
"I think he had a heart attack."
"What should I do?" I am sick to my stomach, I can't make sense of it.
"I don't know, maybe call your mom."
"Okay, bye."
"Mom, what's going on?"
"How do you know?" She said.
"I just talked to Veronica. What's happening?"
"Adam is dead. He's had a heart attack. The police won't let us in. We're at his apartment. Oh no, I wish my mom was here."
"Mom, what should I do? Do you want me to call the brother's and sisters?"
"Maybe we should wait and see what happens. No, I guess just call them and we'll have a family meeting later to help make arrangements."
"Okay, I'll call. We'll talk soon."
And then the next week was a mad blur of trying to make plans, trying to figure out what to do with his belongings, and honestly trying to fight through the madness of a broken family and divorced parents to do whatever I could to protect the kids. The kids are a part of my heart. They've been in my home and in my heart and mind since forever, but especially in the last couple of years. So much heartbreak, so much sadness, and such a heavy hand dealt to those six kids. I went into work mode. I wrote the obituary for my brother, it was one of the hardest things I've ever written, but at the same time I was honored to do it. I made tons of phone calls, I loaded my brother's belongings into the back of a car, and stored them in the basement of my niece so it would be protected from those who wanted to pilfer through it for their own personal benefit. I helped write talks for my nieces and nephews to read at their dad's funeral. Then I attended the funeral services of my 44 year old brother, who left this life too early.
Then I mourned. I continue to mourn. I continue to figure out my feelings in this grieving process. I continue to worry for my nieces and nephews, my mom, Veronica, my sisters and brothers. I continue to come to terms with my own relationship, sometimes volatile, with my brother and my place in a very unconventional family.
But beyond mourning, I have been strengthened I feel confident in my testimony of the plan of happiness. I know that I am a daughter of a Heavenly Father that knows me individually. My faith has been strengthened, and my heart is full. I am so grateful the army of angels that have always protected me and buoyed me up. I have never been alone in my life, through times of joy and times of trials. I know that Heavenly Father has blessed me.
The reality of my reality is that I have felt tremendous loss this summer. I have also felt tremendous strength. I am blessed and I am thankful.
He Knows Him Best
Mom
will always know him as her miracle, a happy drooling son,
Dad
knew he’d always have his back, and would give service to anyone.
The
brothers will always know him as their funny supportive friend,
The
sisters will remember him as their protector that teased them to no end.
His
friends will hear him saying, “Let’s talk, come in and stay a while.”
All
those that were around him knew they’d be greeted with a smile.
His
kids will always know that “Awesome” was their name,
That
having fun and working hard was the motto of the game.
But
there is one that knows him far better than the rest,
His
elder Brother Jesus knows his heart and soul the very best.
He
embraced his elder brother and with big tears in his eyes,
He
gave Him a great big hug and thanked Him for his sacrifice.
He’s
our eternal guardian angel, with a heart swelled up with love,
He
has a greater understanding now and can smile from above.
I
imagine he’s telling stories with both his Grandpas at each side,
With
his future grandchildren saying, “Grandpa, is it my turn for a ride?”
Love
you BoBo, until we meet again!
-- Mindy Stout Tolbert
