My Three "R"s of Parenting

Now that my kids are getting late into their adolescent years I have been asked, "How do you raise such good kids?" or "What did you do to teach them how to be kind to little kids or the elderly" or "I would have kids if they were like yours, so why don't you just give them to me?" Someone even asked if their kids could live at my house until they turned 18, at which the 12 year old started to tear up and plead with her mom to please not make her live with me and she would be good, she promised. When asked things like this my response is usually something snarky or sarcastic like, "they're afraid of their crazy mother!" or "They were born that way." or "Time will tell on how much therapy they need as an adult." or "Just give them everything they want because it's easier that way." or... I could go on and on with snarky comments. Although many of the comments are really true, the reality is I really do have great kids! In my opinion, they are wonderful kids, and even more rewarding, they are really turning into wonderful adults.

Now let's live in reality, my kids are good kids; but they are not perfect, they make lots of choices that have not so wonderful consequences, and we as a family have many many trials and challenges. And let's be really real, I am not a great example of motherhood. I've lost my temper on more occasions than I am proud of, I am prideful enough to always have the last word, and I worry and carry a lot of guilt when it comes to parenting. And to be perfectly honest, I am not even close to done raising my kids and the floor could fall out at any minute and blow all of my theories right out of the water. 

Lately, I've been thinking about it and asking myself how much of it is nature and how much is nurture, and is there really anything I have done to raise good teenagers? The answer is yes, yes, and yes. Yes, they are great kids because of their divine inheritance of being a child of God and the plan He has for them. They are talented kids and were born with a personalities that support their drive for success. Yes, they are great kids because of Todd and I have commitment to parenting and our insistence on certain qualities we want the kids to learn. We chose to become parents and the responsibilities that come along with it. And yes, they are good kids because of the things we have done to teach our children. Most important of all, they are good kids because of the choices they make and the work they have done to be great kids. 

If I really thing about though I have narrowed my parenting to three big qualities I have tried to instill in my kids. I'm sure this is a work in progress, but I've narrowed it down to three big "R"s - Respect, Responsibility, and Righteousness. It all kind of comes back to these three things.

RESPECT - Respect the people around you, respect your world, respect your property, respect others property, respect the voice of others, respect authority, and most important, respect yourself. This does not in any way mean you have to cower to pressure or not allow your voice to be heard. What it does mean is that as passionate as you are about something, someone else is not. I have an inherent idea that people in general want what's best for themselves and usually others. What we do know is that everyone is different and what is best for others may not be what's best for us. Stand up for what you believe and make actionable steps to accomplish your goals. Do not be defeated by others, do not be influenced by what other's believe, but act and think in a way that shows respect for yourself, your beliefs, and your Heavenly Father. Serve others, showing respect for others is using your talents, time, and resources to bless the lives of others. Humble share what you have and bless your life by blessing the lives of those around you. If you're going to take the time to do it, do it to the best of your ability. And you don't need to put another person down to show your importance or your position in society. Your actions will speak for yourself.

RESPONSIBILITY - Life is about choices. Make good choices, always try to do what is best. Then take the responsibility for your choices. If you make a good choice, be proud of the choice you made, and humbly take credit. If you make a poor choice, and it will happen, then take responsibility for it. Be sorry, show remorse, repent, and make it right. There is no greater quality in a person than one who can apologize and learn from their mistakes. Mistakes bring growth to those who are willing to learn from those mistakes and do better the next time around.

RIGHTEOUSNESS - Give credit to your Heavenly Father. My kids are blessed kids with talents, intellect, and determination. They must show appreciation for the many gifts they've been given. To show gratitude to our Heavenly Father they should behave and act in a way that shows respect to Heavenly Father. They have also been blessed to be taught of God, Christ, and the Holy Ghost at a young age. They know that if they act in accordance to the teachings of their Heavenly Father they will be blessed. They must have faith in His plan to fulfill their plan. Greatness awaits those who can persevere through the challenges and trials in life and keep faith through those trials.

So when I think about what's been done to have good kids. I need to accept the things that I have taught my kids. I respect the laws and protections of parenthood. I show respect to my spouse, my kids, my employer, my leaders, and those around me. I show respect our home, our country, our laws, and my Heavenly Father. I take responsibility for my actions. I feel sorrow for when I am wrong. I own my mistakes, and I celebrate my success. I know that I am where I am today because of the choices I have made. I recognize that my choices lead to consequences and it's not anyone's responsibility, but mine, to make my life the way I want it. I celebrate the successes of my children, I am never happier than when my kids are happy and when they achieve their goals. I always do my best to live a righteous life and show gratitude to my Heavenly Father. I try to be a woman of faith. I know I am blessed. I know that my Heavenly Father knows me and has a plan for me. I will do my best to fulfill those plans and expectations. I love my children, every move I make I consider my children and their success, I know they have been blessed to have sharp minds, talents, and abilities, and I know they are influenced by my parenting. I hope I do them justice.